Thursday, December 15, 2005
Court
I'm never quite sure whether its better to go into a situation like that i experienced today fully caffenated or wiping drool from your chin as your head snaps in and out of restless slumber.
In an effort to lessen my fiscal responsibility for breaking the law, I dragged my sorry carcus out of bed and into the car. I think I remembered to brush my teeth but made no effort to appear neat, clean or tidy deciding that the impoverished graduate student approach might better suit my cause.
The instructions on my ticket said to arrive at the courthouse in oakland before 8am. So i did, arriving about 740 Am and finding myself in a line with a motley assortment of people. I was curious about who they were and what they were doing there and if drug and alcohol offenders would get to be in the court room with me. Tragic though it may be, there are few things that can add humor to a court room like to the excuses people come up with when charged with a citation for being outright stupid. The girl behind me in line tapped me on the shoulder demanding to know if I was here because I didnt have car insurance neither. I learned as the morning droned on that driving around without insurance is a very popular activity in Alameda County.
Sometime after 8 they got around to letting people into one section of the court house. The DMV model was in effect with different, ambigulously letter-number windows each with a different purpose and smiling face just waiting to serve you. Unlike the DMV however there are somewhat helpful signs adorning every inch of free space around the windows and on the columns. Of course, the people who actually need the help being offered by these signs are the ones least likely to actually pay them any mind.
Because I was one of the first 65 contestants in the door that morning I was rewarded with a 930 court time. The waiting hall outside the court room slowly filled with traffic offenders, some ordered to show face and others like me. In addition to us a few other individuals strolled the hallyway. I realized after some study that they were waiting for some drug hearings next door. yes! Two talked fervently on their cell phones in a speak that indicated that perhaps a good deal was about to come down, clearly unmindful of where they were or how they had gotten there. Another had styled his hair into 6 (yes 6!!!) puffs. He picked at each puff with a comb to attain maximum roundness and volume. The others in the hall were less interesting, save the woman who babbled on and on about her sister was gonna end up all sorts of used up if she kept sleeping with men for giving her a ride home from work. Uh.....
Sometime long past 930 (1015 perharps) the guy who likes to feel powerful by taking away people's cell phones emerged from the court room and hearded us in. He barked instructions that forbade cell phones, talking and reading while the judge was present. He also explained a sheet detailing the different pleas we could enter: Traffic School, Not Guilty, Guilty, and No Contest. Traffic school is only available for individuals who have a moving violation and who havent been in the last 18 months.
The judge ambled in and the proceedings began. Case by case individuals were called to stand in front of the bench, the judge read the charges, they entered a plea, and bail was issued. There were two popular themes in the first group of 20 people. The first was that basically no one had car insurance. Now I find this disconcerting since nearly everyone was also charged with at least one other violation. The second violation varied but was generally no registration, no license, speeding, or driving in the car pool lane. A few particularly saavy individuals had come up with interesting combinations of these violations and one exception woman had managed to be in violation of all of them. She explained to the judge that she shouldnt have to address the insurance, registration, or license issues since the car stopped running two days after she was cited. The good news for those who commit any of these or other infractions, going to court will result in a substantial reduction of fines. With the exception of our overly cited friend, no one else had a fine above 200$.
Next group up. Surprise, more driving without insurance (remind me to NEVER EVER get in an accident round these parts). One gentleman apparently thought that if he just drug the matter out for eternity by showing up everyweek with a different piece of paper the court might just forget the whole thing. He had been pulled over in March 2005 and of course was uninsured. As the story unravelled it turned out he had been making weekly pilgrimmages to the court to provide proof of insurance in March by producing pieces of paper that have nothing to do with his insurance, and quite often with cars, driving, or anything mechanical at all. Today he was at least getting closer since he had proof that his car had been insured since Nov 2005. However the concept that November is not the same as March was proving taxing and after a lot of hemming and hawing a story about how in March his wife had the insurance card in her wallet at work and didnt give it to him came out. This went on for about 25 minutes and to the judge's credit he did not lose his temper and just patiently asked again and again if the gentleman had proof of insurance in MARCH 2005. To his discredit he failed to point out how this confused soul could go about obtaining such proof, say by calling his insurance company and asking them for something, and as such, I would expect the gentleman back in court next Tuesday, possibly this time with his AAA card.
Finally it was my turn. Yay me. I went up, correcting the horrible butchering of my seemingly simple yet oft mispronounced last name, and entered a plea of traffic school "thank you miss that will be 380$. " "What? " " 380$. " "You cant reduce the fine? I came here to get the fine reduced. I have a clean record." "That is the minimum for running a red light and its non-negotiable."
So all these other assholes that are driving around irresponsiby get off with a tickle on the wrist and 60 days to pay their way out and I have to support the fallen economy of this state because no one has the balls to make people pay their property taxes???? Plus I had to pay 6$ in parking and lose hours of my life to find out what should be stated on the ticket: Dont bother showing up for court. Unlike other people who are more likely to kill someone and then not be able to be held liable for it than you, you ran a red light and that is non-negotiable.
In an effort to lessen my fiscal responsibility for breaking the law, I dragged my sorry carcus out of bed and into the car. I think I remembered to brush my teeth but made no effort to appear neat, clean or tidy deciding that the impoverished graduate student approach might better suit my cause.
The instructions on my ticket said to arrive at the courthouse in oakland before 8am. So i did, arriving about 740 Am and finding myself in a line with a motley assortment of people. I was curious about who they were and what they were doing there and if drug and alcohol offenders would get to be in the court room with me. Tragic though it may be, there are few things that can add humor to a court room like to the excuses people come up with when charged with a citation for being outright stupid. The girl behind me in line tapped me on the shoulder demanding to know if I was here because I didnt have car insurance neither. I learned as the morning droned on that driving around without insurance is a very popular activity in Alameda County.
Sometime after 8 they got around to letting people into one section of the court house. The DMV model was in effect with different, ambigulously letter-number windows each with a different purpose and smiling face just waiting to serve you. Unlike the DMV however there are somewhat helpful signs adorning every inch of free space around the windows and on the columns. Of course, the people who actually need the help being offered by these signs are the ones least likely to actually pay them any mind.
Because I was one of the first 65 contestants in the door that morning I was rewarded with a 930 court time. The waiting hall outside the court room slowly filled with traffic offenders, some ordered to show face and others like me. In addition to us a few other individuals strolled the hallyway. I realized after some study that they were waiting for some drug hearings next door. yes! Two talked fervently on their cell phones in a speak that indicated that perhaps a good deal was about to come down, clearly unmindful of where they were or how they had gotten there. Another had styled his hair into 6 (yes 6!!!) puffs. He picked at each puff with a comb to attain maximum roundness and volume. The others in the hall were less interesting, save the woman who babbled on and on about her sister was gonna end up all sorts of used up if she kept sleeping with men for giving her a ride home from work. Uh.....
Sometime long past 930 (1015 perharps) the guy who likes to feel powerful by taking away people's cell phones emerged from the court room and hearded us in. He barked instructions that forbade cell phones, talking and reading while the judge was present. He also explained a sheet detailing the different pleas we could enter: Traffic School, Not Guilty, Guilty, and No Contest. Traffic school is only available for individuals who have a moving violation and who havent been in the last 18 months.
The judge ambled in and the proceedings began. Case by case individuals were called to stand in front of the bench, the judge read the charges, they entered a plea, and bail was issued. There were two popular themes in the first group of 20 people. The first was that basically no one had car insurance. Now I find this disconcerting since nearly everyone was also charged with at least one other violation. The second violation varied but was generally no registration, no license, speeding, or driving in the car pool lane. A few particularly saavy individuals had come up with interesting combinations of these violations and one exception woman had managed to be in violation of all of them. She explained to the judge that she shouldnt have to address the insurance, registration, or license issues since the car stopped running two days after she was cited. The good news for those who commit any of these or other infractions, going to court will result in a substantial reduction of fines. With the exception of our overly cited friend, no one else had a fine above 200$.
Next group up. Surprise, more driving without insurance (remind me to NEVER EVER get in an accident round these parts). One gentleman apparently thought that if he just drug the matter out for eternity by showing up everyweek with a different piece of paper the court might just forget the whole thing. He had been pulled over in March 2005 and of course was uninsured. As the story unravelled it turned out he had been making weekly pilgrimmages to the court to provide proof of insurance in March by producing pieces of paper that have nothing to do with his insurance, and quite often with cars, driving, or anything mechanical at all. Today he was at least getting closer since he had proof that his car had been insured since Nov 2005. However the concept that November is not the same as March was proving taxing and after a lot of hemming and hawing a story about how in March his wife had the insurance card in her wallet at work and didnt give it to him came out. This went on for about 25 minutes and to the judge's credit he did not lose his temper and just patiently asked again and again if the gentleman had proof of insurance in MARCH 2005. To his discredit he failed to point out how this confused soul could go about obtaining such proof, say by calling his insurance company and asking them for something, and as such, I would expect the gentleman back in court next Tuesday, possibly this time with his AAA card.
Finally it was my turn. Yay me. I went up, correcting the horrible butchering of my seemingly simple yet oft mispronounced last name, and entered a plea of traffic school "thank you miss that will be 380$. " "What? " " 380$. " "You cant reduce the fine? I came here to get the fine reduced. I have a clean record." "That is the minimum for running a red light and its non-negotiable."
So all these other assholes that are driving around irresponsiby get off with a tickle on the wrist and 60 days to pay their way out and I have to support the fallen economy of this state because no one has the balls to make people pay their property taxes???? Plus I had to pay 6$ in parking and lose hours of my life to find out what should be stated on the ticket: Dont bother showing up for court. Unlike other people who are more likely to kill someone and then not be able to be held liable for it than you, you ran a red light and that is non-negotiable.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
So I ran a red light...
To add to your list of things NOT to do in this fucked up state of California: running a red light.
As a general rule of thumb, running a red light is not something anyone should strive to do. It is illegal, dangerous, stupid, and irresponsible. And to top off this list of maladies in any state that you do happen to run a red light, and also happen to get caught, you will be assessed a for a fine. Generally this fine falls into the category of "crappy but vaguely reasonable considering all the others traffic violantions I commit on any given outing and dont get caught for" and so one should be inclined to pay it with minimal grumbling, unless of course one if a chronic get-caught-for-egregious-traffic-violations type of person in which case this may result in a loss of license. Well sir or ma'am, to you I say, the roads are a better place without you since there is a very good chance you think youre a good driver who actually should have never been given a license and who will probably drive regardless of your suspended license because you have a sense of entitlement that allows you to think that turn signals are optional, lane markers are mereley suggestions, insurance is for worriers, and that everyone else should give you the right of way because you drive an SUV.
But I digress.
So its possible that despite my vastly superior driving capabilties, that I faltered and happened to run a red light. It is a fact that at this light I possibly ran the light at, the state of California had installed those photo devices that snap your smiling face as you hang a wide left through the red turn signal. It is also a fact that doing so results in a photo of you running the light being mailed to your home and forcing you to rethink the angle at which you thought you looked cool pimping your seat. So I happened to get one of these "You asshole you ran the light" photos mailed to my home, with a cheery little note that the fine amount would be forthcoming. Unlike human police, photo police arent responsive to big smiles, short skirts, or crying that your father will never talk to you again if you get a ticket. So I waited, in suspense, for the fine that I assumed would be hefty but not unreasonable considering my so called obvious guilt in the offence.
Upon receiving the fine a slew of profanities slipped out of my mouth. $351. $351 + 29.99 for traffic school for a grand total of $380 if I wish for the offense to not be reported to my insurance. Now I appreciate this offer, but WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! $351 is exhorbant. As far as I am concerned the light was yellow and i'm expected to pay half my rent because some bad photography says otherwise? Oh wait....that's right. The state of California is BROKE. Why you ask? Well, circa 1978 some genius who later also got to fuck the economy on a national level as president, enacted a law freezing property taxes. So a lot of really rich people who should be paying obscene amounts of property tax on their zillion dollar homes, are paying whatever they were nearly 30 years ago. Apparently none of these people care that as a result the state has no money to pay for education, health care, social programs, and government resources. To make up for this loss of massive amounts of revenue the state has had to find creative ways to bilk money out of its citizens. I guess inflating traffic citations make the list of approved methods.
The notice offers me the chance to go to court to plead my case. Guilty or not I dont think I should have to support people that dont want to pay their property taxes so I figure pleading my case could result in a reduced fine, especially considering I havent gotten a ticket since i was 17 hauling ass through Swarthmore, PA. All I have to do is be one of the first 65 lucky traffic offenders to show up at the oakland courthouse on any given weekday at 8am. Ok, I tell myself. You've been to court and gotten out of situations before, and your trusty traffic violating pal L. has gotten ticket fines reduced in 3 separate states, how hard could it possible be?
As a general rule of thumb, running a red light is not something anyone should strive to do. It is illegal, dangerous, stupid, and irresponsible. And to top off this list of maladies in any state that you do happen to run a red light, and also happen to get caught, you will be assessed a for a fine. Generally this fine falls into the category of "crappy but vaguely reasonable considering all the others traffic violantions I commit on any given outing and dont get caught for" and so one should be inclined to pay it with minimal grumbling, unless of course one if a chronic get-caught-for-egregious-traffic-violations type of person in which case this may result in a loss of license. Well sir or ma'am, to you I say, the roads are a better place without you since there is a very good chance you think youre a good driver who actually should have never been given a license and who will probably drive regardless of your suspended license because you have a sense of entitlement that allows you to think that turn signals are optional, lane markers are mereley suggestions, insurance is for worriers, and that everyone else should give you the right of way because you drive an SUV.
But I digress.
So its possible that despite my vastly superior driving capabilties, that I faltered and happened to run a red light. It is a fact that at this light I possibly ran the light at, the state of California had installed those photo devices that snap your smiling face as you hang a wide left through the red turn signal. It is also a fact that doing so results in a photo of you running the light being mailed to your home and forcing you to rethink the angle at which you thought you looked cool pimping your seat. So I happened to get one of these "You asshole you ran the light" photos mailed to my home, with a cheery little note that the fine amount would be forthcoming. Unlike human police, photo police arent responsive to big smiles, short skirts, or crying that your father will never talk to you again if you get a ticket. So I waited, in suspense, for the fine that I assumed would be hefty but not unreasonable considering my so called obvious guilt in the offence.
Upon receiving the fine a slew of profanities slipped out of my mouth. $351. $351 + 29.99 for traffic school for a grand total of $380 if I wish for the offense to not be reported to my insurance. Now I appreciate this offer, but WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! $351 is exhorbant. As far as I am concerned the light was yellow and i'm expected to pay half my rent because some bad photography says otherwise? Oh wait....that's right. The state of California is BROKE. Why you ask? Well, circa 1978 some genius who later also got to fuck the economy on a national level as president, enacted a law freezing property taxes. So a lot of really rich people who should be paying obscene amounts of property tax on their zillion dollar homes, are paying whatever they were nearly 30 years ago. Apparently none of these people care that as a result the state has no money to pay for education, health care, social programs, and government resources. To make up for this loss of massive amounts of revenue the state has had to find creative ways to bilk money out of its citizens. I guess inflating traffic citations make the list of approved methods.
The notice offers me the chance to go to court to plead my case. Guilty or not I dont think I should have to support people that dont want to pay their property taxes so I figure pleading my case could result in a reduced fine, especially considering I havent gotten a ticket since i was 17 hauling ass through Swarthmore, PA. All I have to do is be one of the first 65 lucky traffic offenders to show up at the oakland courthouse on any given weekday at 8am. Ok, I tell myself. You've been to court and gotten out of situations before, and your trusty traffic violating pal L. has gotten ticket fines reduced in 3 separate states, how hard could it possible be?
If I had a water cooler....
After graduating college, running around the world, and ending up financially broke it occurred to me I needed a job. So I found one, at your average company, chock full of average American workers doing an average American job in average size grey cubicles with standard multi-line call center phones. (Actually some of the people were quite amazing, but that doenst fit the tone here so let's pretend). Employees behaved in an average employee fashion, with substantial discussion of very important work and non-work related events occuring in the most important place an office has....the water cooler. The water cooler is the great equalizer. Every person in every office will drink at least a sip of water at some point during the day. And to quench that need, each person will need to visit the water cooler. For whatever the reason, in front of that oasis people let their professional facade down. They discuss news, argue sports, scheme and plot, laugh, cry, gossip, comiserate, whisper, glare, smirk, and tell stories giving each other little glimpses into the person that exists outside of the office. It is in front of the water cooler that alliances are formed and dissolved, friendships made, and rumors perpetuated. It is in front of the water cooler that every person who had a triumph or tragedy before their morning coffee has an audience with whom to share.
I gave up my office life to return to the world of graduate school which has led to opportunities for that seemingly most coveted of employment arrangements: work at home. While I do enjoy conducting business from my couch, and writing reports and newsletters in my pjs, with music or tv filling up the background, I have to fill my glass with the pitcher in the fridge. If I want to laugh, bitch, or just chat about nothing to kill a few minutes I have to send an email or pick up the phone. There is no water cooler, and no five minute break time support group in my kitchen. If I had a water cooler, these are the stories I would tell.
I gave up my office life to return to the world of graduate school which has led to opportunities for that seemingly most coveted of employment arrangements: work at home. While I do enjoy conducting business from my couch, and writing reports and newsletters in my pjs, with music or tv filling up the background, I have to fill my glass with the pitcher in the fridge. If I want to laugh, bitch, or just chat about nothing to kill a few minutes I have to send an email or pick up the phone. There is no water cooler, and no five minute break time support group in my kitchen. If I had a water cooler, these are the stories I would tell.
